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Lots of Theories

I commented to my husband the other day that first time parents (and those without children) have a lot of theories but experienced parents have no theories at all, just lots of practical advice. He thought it was funny.

But, really, it’s true. We share all our helpful tips for surviving life with 3 or more little kids and laugh at each other’s stories and no one feels compelled to tell anyone else how they could have done it better, we’ve all been there and we know how it is. We may give practical suggestions if we have them and if we don’t have any practical suggestions we just laugh and share our own funny story.

For example, I was complaining about how hard it is to get the straws clean on those Take N Toss cups with straws because the straws fall through the silverware basket in the dishwasher. She pointed out that she just leaves the straw in the cup lid and sticks them on the top rack in the dishwasher…brilliant! Why didn’t I think of that? That just saved me 5 minutes washing dishes every day! Actually, my middle child likes to chew on straws so she ruined all my straws by chewing on them. I just threw them away and started buying the red striped disposable straws. I notice when I was at my friends house the other day that she has also switched to the disposable straws, she must have had the same problem I did. You’ll note though, not once did we discuss our theories for getting our child to stop chewing on all the straws, we just switched to disposable. Very practical.

And the question of how to keep your kids from waking you up at 5 am convinced that it’s morning. I tell my oldest 2 that they can’t get me up until it’s light outside. The’ll play barbies in their room for an hour waiting for it to get light and then come get me and ask for hot chocolate, and a host of snacks for breakfast. There’s no, “you just tell them to stay in their room and punish them when they don’t” talk, we discuss how we explain to our 3 yr old in a way that they can understand when it’s considered “morning” and they are allowed to wake us. One of my friends uses a timer on her kids lamps and when the lamp turns on they can get up. Another mom just sends them back to bed if they get up too early. And someone else just has them join her in her bed until it’s time to get up. But, not one of us is convinced that our way is better than the others, it’s just what works best for us and our kids.

And potty training, we all just smile and nod. So which candy did your child prefer? Did you use a sticker chart? You still using pullups at night? And then we launch into our most embarrassing/funny stories thus far. My kids love public restrooms. If they even think there might be one at a store they instantly have a need to go to the bathroom. The other day, I was shopping with the kids and headed into a dressing room. My girls were ecstatic, I had, without being asked decided to go into a public restroom. I had to leave my two sweaters with the nice ladies running the dressing room and take my kids to the bathroom and then come back to the dressing room and try on my sweaters. Now, I don’t try on a lot of clothing with all three kids along so up until this point the girls had not realized that there was such a thing as a dressing room at a store. According to my kids, next to public restrooms, dressing rooms are the greatest thing ever invented by stores. And our Sam’s has a child sized sink in their bathroom. Thanks a lot guys… I have to plan an extra 20 minutes in Sam’s just so the kids can go play in the sink. (they always have to urgently go to the bathroom the minute we step into Sam’s).

And the number of times our kids have removed their clothing at inappropriate times, and said things we just didn’t want them to say…don’t even get me started…we all just smile, laugh, and know that that’s just how life goes.

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Learning

The other day I pulled an old Kindergarten book of mine out of the drawer and added it to my Kindergartner’s stack of schoolwork for the day. Now, we have about 4 lessons left in her Kindergarten Hooked on Phonics so I’m about to order the First Grade set even though we’re only halfway through her first school year. So, I know she can read my old Kindergarten book, it’s 3 and 4 letter words, two to three sentences per page, and a picture to help. She’s read just about every one of these words in her Hooked on Phonics book, and the words she hasn’t read she knows how to sound out.

I hand the book to her and she takes one look at it and announces that she can’t read it. She’s convinced that because it’s a different book than what she’s used to it’s simply not readable (I am aware that this is a problem, she thinks she can only read her hooked on phonics stuff so my goal with this book is to prove to her that she CAN read other books and I waited until I was sure she could read this book pretty easily before handing it to her, I need this to be an easy success so I can get her reading other books). I informed her that she only needed to read the first page, it’s two sentences and about 8 words total. Pretty easy. It takes FOREVER to read that page because she’s convinced she doesn’t know the words, yet she is able to sound each of them out and read the sentences. The next day I have her read the second page, which is again two sentences and about 8 words total, this goes much better since she’s beginning to realize that she can read the book. The third day she reads the third page with practically no help, and then the fourth day she decides that she’s just going to read the last 3 stories in the book in one day because they’re so easy! After we finish the book I point out to her that this is book 1 (it has a big 1 on the front) and that I have book 2 for us to read the next day. She’s so excited because she loves stories and she’s realized that she can read these books that I’m handing her, chances are she’ll try to read all of book 2 in one day.

I knew she could read the books and I know what words she can sound out and which ones she needs help with (we’ve covered long and short vowels but haven’t learned things like “oo” and “st” yet) so I’m not expecting something she can’t do. She just thinks I’m asking her to do something that is impossible.

My oldest child reminds me of myself so much. I was reminded of how I reacted when I found out I was pregnant with her.

My husband and I had been married for almost two years, I had three months left of college and I wasn’t working at the time so really we were in a pretty good situation to have a baby. Only, I wasn’t ready for a baby. My brother-in-law was living with us at the time (was supposed to be 3 months with us in our 2 bedroom apartment and had been almost a year), I was heading into my Law School finals with terrible morning/all day sickness, I was really looking forward to getting a job when I finished school, and I didn’t want kids yet.

I’m the oldest of 8 kids and I had told my husband before we got married that I would probably want a child or two eventually but I did not want kids for quite a while. He would have liked a baby sooner but he was willing to wait for me to be ready. When I got married my youngest sister was 5 – she was my flower girl, so you get the idea. I know babies and young children, I grew up with them. I really wanted a few baby free years.

I was not happy to be pregnant, I was pretty certain the timing was all wrong, and I told God that I really did not think this was funny at all, seriously, I’m enjoying my “Hooked on Phonics” books, let’s just stay here for a while. I’m sure he does things like this to me because it’s funny – not a mean, malicious funny, but like how I felt trying to convince my 5 yr old that she can read a book that’s almost too easy for her. It is funny, why is she resisting so much, if she would just do it she would realize how easy it is…

I finally got over it when my baby girl arrived (by this time we had bought a 3 bedroom house and kicked my brother-in-law out, and I had successfully finished school), and I really felt like my 5 year old did when she realized that the book I handed her was something she could read, I wasn’t lying when I told her she could read it.

I’m the oldest of 8 kids, I grew up with babies. My Pediatrician probably thought I was the craziest first time mom ever. I never had questions, never freaked out over anything, and was very laid back about this whole parenting thing. But, really, what do you expect, the only thing I had to learn how to do was nurse, other than that, I’d done this baby care thing many times. I remember being actually bored with my first because I had so much free time after she arrived – she slept so much and I had no school, no work, and a clean house. I can just see God laughing at me and saying “I told you, you know how to do this”. (really, I think that if our society liked kids more, large families would be more normal, and there would be a lot less of this “freaking out over the first baby because I don’t know what to do with a baby” syndrome, but that’s a different topic for a different day)

Now, I have 3 kids and plan to have a 4th eventually (it’s like the stack of books hidden away in the drawer, once she found out she could read the first one she’s ready for the whole stack). I will admit, the third child threw me for a loop (plus my oldest started kindergarten and we’re homeschooling so imagine an infant and homeschooling for the first time! Scheduling Crisis!!!), I remembered the craziness that comes with multiple young children (I grew up with this, remember) and I’ve accepted it. Seven months in, we’re finally settled in, and my house is never clean. But, I honestly feel like I’ve just graduated from the “easy readers” or “I Can Read” as her books are titled to something a little bit more robust like a good mystery and I can’t wait to see what the next chapter holds.

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Resolutions

The new year is arriving and it’s that time of year when people like to make resolutions for the coming year. I’m really not a resolution person myself, I just think it’s stupid to make a resolution for the sake of making a resolution, which resolution you manage to keep for less than the first month of the new year. Really, if you’re going to decide to do something, commit to it, and do it, regardless of the time of year.

That said, I find that January is a great time to evaluate progress and make some goals. Resolutions, not necessarily, but goals, definitely. I look at it this way, I can resolve to kiss my husband every time he walks in the front door and when I break that resolution I’m done- with 3 kids I’m probably breaking that resolution sometime in the first week since I can’t just stand there at the door and wait for him to come through it. But with a goal I allow myself more space to create areas of growth.

Spending more time with my husband this year is a good goal since I’m struggling to find the balance of marriage and kids since the arrival of my third. Goals are less easily laid aside because my goal is to spend more time with my husband or to better understand my husband this year. Or, put another way, I want to see our marriage strengthened. Now, within that goal, I/we can set up ways to accomplish this. Maybe that means both of us agreeing to kiss first thing when he gets home from work, or maybe that just doesn’t accomplish anything for either of us and we need to focus on something else.

But, just announcing a resolution without any real plans to back it up just seems like a waste of my time. So, my goal for New Year’s Eve, spend some time, while we’re waiting for the new year to arrive, planning and discussing our goals for this coming year. (no worries, I’ve had this evening planned for months, I’m fairly certain we can accomplish this, and if not we’ll do it some time soon…)

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Merry Christmas!

Actually, Christmas is tomorrow, but I’m not blogging tomorrow. So, Merry Christmas a day early!

I love Christmas! All the traditions, tasty food, fun presents, Christmas music, and time with family!

With all my cooking skills you’d think I would have a food tradition on Christmas. My family always ate grapefruit halves with maraschino cherries in the middle, corned beef hash, and poached eggs. Some years we may have had waffles or toast. And, of course, coffee. I still drink the coffee in the morning but only me and the 5yr old like grapefruits, I’m the only one who will eat corned beef hash, and only me and the 2yr old like poached eggs. So, no using my family’s traditions for Christmas morning food. I’m working on a new breakfast tradition for us, I just haven’t found anything that works yet.

The train set every Christmas morning I did get from my family. We have a rather large geo-trax set that we set up every Christmas Eve after the kids go to bed. (which is actually rather late after we go to the Christmas Eve service, eat dinner, and open our Christmas Eve present). And then we trip over the train track for the next two days until I put it all away to save it for next year. The kids love it and it keeps them entertained while I fix breakfast – because I like breakfast before we open presents.

We’re doing an advent calendar this year with the kids and really loving that. The kids are excited every night to see what’s in the next pocket and I’m happy that we’re reinforcing the Christmas story all month.

So, regardless of your Christmas traditions, I hope you all have a Very Merry Christmas!

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Holiday Time!

Last night we had our annual graham cracker house party and today and tomorrow I’m making snacks for gift baskets for my husband’s co-workers. I don’t think I’ve had a day without something going on in weeks! Starting sometime week before last we’ve had an event every single evening or afternoon. By the time my kids finish their end of year stuff, we go to our holiday parties, we throw holiday parties, plus any last minute shopping, December is the busiest month of the year.

Adding to it this year, I picked up 3 projects to start and complete in December. Now, these are for paying customers so I’m happy to do them, but my time is now totally maxed out! Every night after the kids go to bed I’m working to get as much done as possible.

Now, I’m enough of an extrovert that I LOVE all the activity! Come January when NOTHING is going on, I’m going to be bored…

Fortunately, as much as I love shopping, I really hate shopping with crowds so I had almost all my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving. There’s no Christmas Eve shopping for me. (which is good, because by the time we go to the Christmas Eve service, do our last Advent Calendar pocket, eat dinner, get the kids in bed, and set up the train set, I wouldn’t make it to the store before midnight).

However, all this stuff can make it so hard to focus on really enjoying Christmas. I’m constantly reviewing my schedule for the week, making sure that all the pieces fit. Trying to keep the house clean around all the activity. Our decorations went up the Monday after Thanksgiving so it looks like Christmas around here. I’m even playing Christmas music while I blog but I’m just not convinced that I’m ready for Christmas day. I haven’t figured out what I’m making for Christmas breakfast, I don’t know what time my Mother-in-law is planning Christmas dinner, and since I love planning I feel that I should pick out the songs we’ll sing Christmas morning before opening our presents.

My goal for next week, just relax and enjoy a few days (and of course clean the house in preparation for the ensuing onslaught of new toys and wrapping paper everywhere).

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Death

Death, such an ominous title. I remember once reading an entire chapter on death in a Charles Dickens book. I don’t remember what it said, I just remember being terribly confused about the chapter and getting to the end and realizing it was about death. I decided it was too confusing to bother trying to read again now that I knew what it was about – which is probably why I don’t remember a word of the chapter.

Charles Dickens isn’t the topic though. Actually, I was watching an episode or two of Torchwood the other day and I was struck by their approach to death. I noticed the same opinion repeated through at least 3 different episodes (I’m still working on season one so I haven’t seen that many episodes, so I find it interesting that the topic has been discussed so much already) If you’re not familiar with the show it’s a SciFi. I love SciFi. I’ve seen all the Stargates, all the original Star Trek and most of Star Trek Next Generation. I’m pretty much up to date on my Dr. Who and one of these days I’ll try the Big Bang Theory. Right now though, I’m working on Torchwood.

So, if you don’t like SciFi just stick with me here and it’ll all makes sense. In Torchwood the main character Jack can’t die (why is complicated so I won’t try to explain that). Basically, he’s going to live forever. Yet, oddly, he’s terrified of death. He died once and it terrified him. Basically, the belief in Torchwood is that after death there is nothing, just darkness, and you’re aware of this darkness, it’s terrifying and it goes on forever. In one episode one of the characters come back to life and she’s so terrified of dying again that she’ll do anything – including killing her friends – to stay alive for as long as she can.

So, what struck me as interesting was the way the characters approach life because of their belief in what happens after death. Basically, they believe nothing happens after death, yet they are somehow aware of this nothing and it’s unbearable, so you never want to die.

Contrast that to my faith in Christ and living forever with God after death. I actually have a bright outlook on death.

Your belief about death greatly impacts your approach to life.

If there’s nothing after death and it’s the worst thing of all then you live your life for yourself because this is all you get and when people die you mourn your loss AND their loss. And you do everything you can to avoid death. Jack is cursed because he has to live, he has to see all his friends die, make more friends, watch them die, etc. Yet he’s afraid to die, because death is worse than living forever. Really, who wants the pain of loosing that many friends. Living forever would be terrible!

With heaven after death I still work to achieve whatever I can in this life but I don’t do it at the expense of my soul because my soul lives on after my body dies so I have to think about the affect things I do have on those around me and what affect they have on my morality. Because when I die, I want to leave those behind me blessed by me and I want to go to heaven having lived well. Death isn’t a thing to be feared. I fear it because it’s unknown but not because it’s terrible. I want to see my children grow up, meet my grandchildren, and live a nice long life, and at the end I want to look forward to meeting my savior.

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Door to Door Salesman

So, I had this door to door salesman drop by the other day. Now, construction companies in our area must really need some new customers because this is the the 3rd salesman this week trying to sell me something for my house. I thought once we got the new gutters up they might leave us alone, but no, he wanted to know how often we get them cleaned…

Around my house, we get a lot of packages. So, when the doorbell rang, the girls answered the door, hoping for a box. It’s about 40 out and there’s one child dressed and the other is in her swimsuit (I’m still trying to convince her that this time of year, even around the house a swimsuit is a bit chilly). I hear someone ask the girls if their mommy is home. My oldest replies that I am home and that I am working on my computer. (I need to have a talk with her about offering too much information) I arrive at the door with the baby.

He starts with looking at me kind of funny and says “are you the homeowner?”. (At which point I should have said, “no, I’m the babysitter”) but I didn’t. Of course I’m the homeowner. Do I really look too young to own a house? Every single salesman asks me that. It must be on their script, but still, he could have asked the question as if he assumed I was and just wanted to verify. “yes, I’m the homeowner”.

Next question, so, how often do you clean your gutters? Me, oh, we just had them done a month ago and haven’t gotten the gutter guards up yet. He continues to survey the outside of my house, and is clearly confused by my small child in a swimsuit who keeps hopping inside and then outside the front door. I think he was trying to pick something to ask me about doing on my home. Siding and windows is about all that’s left to do outside so his choices were slim.

He next question had to be from his script…or he forgot his script because he seems nervous like he had never done this before. Really, buddy, you’re the third person this month, you’re probably not going to get a very good response in this neighborhood. “So, what times are you home?” Now, I really hate questions like this, if I was looking to rob a neighborhood, what better way than to send around a salesman and find out when people are not home. I’m sure I’m thinking much too sophisticated for any robber that would bother with the homes in my neighborhood. But you never know. My reply, “I’m in and out pretty much every day”. Yes, that was vague, but I’m definitely NOT giving my schedule to some random salesperson at my front door. And, why does he need to know my schedule?

Next question, “is there a man of the house?”, with a hopeful glance at the door, hoping that if there is the man is home and he can do his full sales pitch right then. Really, if you can’t just leave me a flyer or give me a quick quote, I’ve got 3 kids, I do not have time for an hour long demonstration. Not that the salesman had anything more than a few papers and a clipboard. I guess I nodded or he assumed there was because I didn’t get to answer before he asked “what’s his schedule, when is he home?”.

Now, at this point I’m a little irritated. I really don’t see why my husband has to be home unless you’re trying to sell me on something right this very second. Even if he was, if we wanted something done, we would get a few quotes and discuss it before making a decision. Repeat, I do not have time for a lengthy demonstration. Also, I don’t give out his schedule to complete strangers at my front door. So, I defaulted to my get rid of the annoying home repair salesman response. “Well, I have a good friend who’s a contractor and he does all my work, so I’ll give hime a call if I need anything done”

The salesman basically nodded and walked off.

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I Am Thankful

It being that Thanksgiving time of year, I feel I should do a post about what I’m thankful for. Let’s go with the first 10 things I think of.

1. My husband. So, I’ll admit, it hasn’t exactly been a terrific year for him. We added a new baby and with 3 young children I’m pretty maxed out. By the time we get them all in bed for the last time it’s 10pm or later and I’m just ready for bed. He’s so sweet, longsuffering, and patient. He tries hard to understand, but you know ladies, even I don’t understand myself half the time, I don’t see how he possibly has a chance! He’s still staying with it though and I’m really hoping that with the baby getting older I’ll be a better wife this coming year (hmm…let’s add this to the list of New Years resolutions…I’ll get back to this in a month)

2. My kids. Yes, they wear me out. Like last night I just wanted a little before dinner nap but the baby was cranky for 3 hours and just wanted to be held. Really, baby, can you not play with your mobile for 15 minutes! Poor little fella, I did enjoy snuggling him and snoozing on the couch though. Of course, those time when they come up and give you a kiss, hug, or just tell you that they love you make it all worth it!

3. The Holidays. I really love this time of year. We get Thanksgiving to review what we’re thankful for. Christmas to celebrate Christ’s birth and to spend lots of time with family. And then New Year’s so we can stay up till midnight watching some random show that we’ll then decide was the worst one we’d seen all year. Mainly, this is because my husband and I cannot agree on our holiday movie selection so we watch something non-holiday related and we always wish we’d just watched one of the holiday movies. (we’ve been doing this since the first year we were married, so why switch it up now)

4. Horrible Movies. Speaking of movies, if you want to see something laughably terrible try Santa Clause Conquers the Martins (I won this at a White Elephant Party) or Soylent Green. Either one of these will leave you wondering why you even bothered and give you something to laugh about for years to come.

5. Family. As in, lots and lots of family. I can always call one of my relatives when I need help or advice. I’m so grateful for a wonderful family and wonderful in-laws.

6. Sunshine. I love sunshine, and especially this time of year I wish for more of it. I’m a summer person so I could totally do without the cold weather and I’m grateful for any warm days I can get this time of year.

7. Music. I love my music. I love playing my instrument, watching my kids learn to play, and participating in my Church Band. It’s always a place of relaxation and refreshment for me.

8. Food. I love steak, eggs, veggies, fruits, fish, chicken (but not when I’m pregnant), licorice (I love those black licorice holiday or party canisters), milk chocolate, and coconut. I’m picky about my desserts, I don’t like my ice cream to touch my cake and I do not like it when someone dips cookies in my milk. I love to cook and I love teaching my children to cook. I’m looking forward to the day when they can do more than stir the ingredients that I put in the bowl, I can’t wait to see what they come up with (I may regret this statement in a few years…I hope they’re good cooks). Food is fuel for living and something to get everyone together for a good time. It’s so much more than just eating, it’s fun!

9. Creativity. I love trying new recipes, making things for the house, decorating (but not rearranging furniture), and anything else that strikes me as fun. Life would be so boring (and probably a lot less messy) if I never got the urge to create.

10. Friendships. What would I do without my friends? I have friends who are in the same place I am, several little children, no time for themselves, but still loving life. We can cry together, laugh together, or just sympathize. They know how it is and we give each other lots of grace because we know we all need it. I have friends who are way past me with kids all grown and they fondly remember these days (one day I’ll be there). I have friends who don’t have kids and I try not to give them too much information, seriously, I don’t want to scare them too much, they may want kids one of these days…Friendships keep me balanced, in touch with the world, and their kids are friends with my kids so we’re just perpetuating this friendship trend!

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Too Busy

I was driving down the road the other day with a drink on my lap, an open barbecue packet in one hand and a hamburger in the other. And I needed to hand a napkin back to my child because she had spilled the barbecue sauce on herself (which is why I had it in my hand). My drink would’t fit in my drink holder, and I was trying to eat my hamburger. Fortunately my child had her chicken nuggets already or something probably would have been dropped on the floor.

Sometimes, I wonder if this is how I run my life. I’m heading 45 mph in heavy traffic trying to balance everything in my little world and sooner or later something is bound to fall. The tough thing is, what do I get rid of? My child likes barbecue sauce with her chicken nuggets (most of the time I think she eats more sauce than nugget), I obviously want my hamburger and a drink to wash it down. I’m smart enough to leave my fries in the bag on the seat next too me, so they’re there but I’m not dealing with them at the moment.

I’m heading through life, making sure my kids get to participate in the opportunities and events they like, maintaining the things I need to do (cleaning the house, cooking, managing our small business, etc.) and washing it down with the things I like (sewing, reading, etc.) and then keeping my dreams in a bag on the seat (I don’t have time for them right now, but I’ll make a grab towards them every time I get a hand free from my other stuff).

Sometimes I have to ask myself if this is healthy. Do I let go of what I want to fulfill the things I need to do, or do I minimize the things I need to do and pursue my dreams. And how do I encourage my children to succeed and follow their dreams? How do I help my husband with his dreams? And where’s the balance, because dropping anything makes a mess!

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Goals

So, now that the baby is 5 moths old I feel that I should be getting back into the swing of things. By “swing of things” I mean adding more things to my schedule. On the list of goals,

1. At least one blog post a week

2. Creating at least 12 websites a year (for paying customers)

3. Whittling down my supply of fabric (this is proving really hard to do since people keep giving me fabric)

4. Teaching my oldest child to read, sing, add, and subtract

5. Increasing my music skills

6. Scrubbing my showers

7. Mopping my floors

8. Getting a full night’s sleep

I’m not being at all unrealistic here am I? 🙂